Sunday, July 15, 2012
WHEN YOU'RE NOT GETTING RESPONSES
It's no secret that you can send out tons of messages to potential matches and not get any responses.  The most important thing to remember when this happens, is that it's not necessarily about you.  Sometimes we focus so much on saying that right thing, that we think the lack of response means we blew it ("Not again!?").  I think it's necessary to consider that there is a lot more to the process, and that you can't let it get you down.  Here are some scenarios to consider:
  • The person you messaged was hitting it off with someone else.  It doesn't mean you didn't send a great message or have a really stellar profile.  Someone else just got there first.
  • The person you messaged isn't serious about online dating or just made their profile to see what's out there.
  • The person you messaged is overly picky, and therefore, probably not the right person for you anyway.
  • You just don't fit their wants physically.  Again, you could have a great profile and message, but if you're just not what their looking for (whether it be body type, hair color, whatever), you're not going to get a message.  In which case, pardon me, screw them! 
  • The person you messaged doesn't feel you are compatible.  Personal story:  I once got a message from a guy that I would normally talk to, but didn't message him when I found out his favorite hobby.  This particular hobby drove me crazy in a previous relationship, and I really couldn't imagine myself dealing with that again.  I passed him up. My loss? Maybe, but if I had to sit around watching grown men play Warhammer for hours ever again, I might lose my mind.
I bring these up to you, because I don't want you to get down on yourself, or get down on online dating because other people don't have their act together.  However, nothing I write comes without suggestions, and here are a few to help you message people you have a higher chance of hearing back from.
  1. Pay close attention to anything on their profile that suggests what qualities they find important in a partner.  Do they only want someone with a college education?  If that is not the path you took, then you should probably keep looking.  Do they want someone who is going to be active in outdoor activities, while you prefer video games or indoor activities?  You probably won't be able to find many things you can enjoy together.  I don't care how gorgeous, hot, sexy, beautiful, funny, charming(....) that you think they are, MOVE ON. If you're not what they're looking for, you're wasting your time.
  2. I tell this one to people a lot, and it has become one of my personal favorites.  I call it the "Say not what you can do for me, but what I can do for you" approach.  Here's how it works.  I once had a guy read my profile and take notice that I was really into rap music.  When he sent me a message, he included a link to a website that posted the newest rap songs the minute they came out. I was really grateful for that, and sent him a message to thank him for helping me find my new favorite song, and we got to talking.  Try this approach.  It's different, and everyone likes someone who is helpful.
  3. Be realistic.  I would not message a male model, because I know that I would most likely not fit the type of person he was looking for.  No matter how tempted you are, do not let your penis do the picking.

Do your best, and stay confident.  The RIGHT person will respond, and all you need is one.

-OkTori

Written at 5:11 PM by Tori.
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