Thursday, July 12, 2012
WORKING AGAINST YOURSELF:
Recently, I've come across a good deal of profiles and messages where in their efforts for success, people are actually working against themselves. Here's an example:
"P.s Sorry for lack of smoothness I'm pretty sucky at this kind of thing, probably why I am on this site to begin with."
-When I read things like this, my first thought is that I don't understand why you wrote this. Even if your message didn't make you seem like the best flirt or smoothest person, why would you point that out? I might not even have noticed. But by pointing out your flaws, you guarantee that I notice and set yourself up to be judged. Also, not every person is looking for a smooth operator. Some are just looking for someone who is genuine and honest, not someone who can talk their way into your pants.
This line of thinking applies to profiles too. If you're not the best at something, don't talk about it. I can't say it enough, but we want to know what you're good at. If you're not confident in your dating abilities, fake it. I'm not saying lie, but your best bet is to act like you've got it together. Confidence can go a long way (feigned included).
A BIG NO-NO: I strongly recommend not writing on your profile that you are embarassed of being on an online dating site, no matter how true it is. Every time I used to read that, it got me thinking, "Maybe I should be embarrassed? Maybe people really are going to think there's something wrong with me." The last thing in the world that you want to do is make a girl feel self-conscious. That's a pretty quick way for someone to lose interest. It also makes you look better if you display confidence in the fact that you are on here, and you don't care what people think. Chances are, we are all a little uncomfortable with being on a dating site, but the faster we all accept it and move on, the faster we can get serious about finding what we are looking for (which gets you off the dating site=win/win).
"P.s Sorry for lack of smoothness I'm pretty sucky at this kind of thing, probably why I am on this site to begin with."
-When I read things like this, my first thought is that I don't understand why you wrote this. Even if your message didn't make you seem like the best flirt or smoothest person, why would you point that out? I might not even have noticed. But by pointing out your flaws, you guarantee that I notice and set yourself up to be judged. Also, not every person is looking for a smooth operator. Some are just looking for someone who is genuine and honest, not someone who can talk their way into your pants.
This line of thinking applies to profiles too. If you're not the best at something, don't talk about it. I can't say it enough, but we want to know what you're good at. If you're not confident in your dating abilities, fake it. I'm not saying lie, but your best bet is to act like you've got it together. Confidence can go a long way (feigned included).
A BIG NO-NO: I strongly recommend not writing on your profile that you are embarassed of being on an online dating site, no matter how true it is. Every time I used to read that, it got me thinking, "Maybe I should be embarrassed? Maybe people really are going to think there's something wrong with me." The last thing in the world that you want to do is make a girl feel self-conscious. That's a pretty quick way for someone to lose interest. It also makes you look better if you display confidence in the fact that you are on here, and you don't care what people think. Chances are, we are all a little uncomfortable with being on a dating site, but the faster we all accept it and move on, the faster we can get serious about finding what we are looking for (which gets you off the dating site=win/win).
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My name is Tori, and I have been on and off online dating sites for years and have been fortunate to have relationships come from them. In those years, I am pretty confident that I have seen almost everything. Trust me. As a result, I have finally decided to create a help page for those of you who have yet to find success in online dating.
I am a psychology major, and plan to use my knowledge of social psychology and sociology to help you learn what people are looking for in a partner. In addition, I will call upon my own experience as a female and an experienced user of online dating sites to relate this back to real life. On this page, you will read some things that seem like common sense and some that might be new to you. I hope that all of these are helpful.
oktori's okcupid
e-mail oktori
My name is Tori, and I have been on and off online dating sites for years and have been fortunate to have relationships come from them. In those years, I am pretty confident that I have seen almost everything. Trust me. As a result, I have finally decided to create a help page for those of you who have yet to find success in online dating.
I am a psychology major, and plan to use my knowledge of social psychology and sociology to help you learn what people are looking for in a partner. In addition, I will call upon my own experience as a female and an experienced user of online dating sites to relate this back to real life. On this page, you will read some things that seem like common sense and some that might be new to you. I hope that all of these are helpful.
oktori's okcupid
e-mail oktori
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"Thanks for all of the info... Ill work on myself a bit more"
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"I just read your profile and I thought it was great!"
"I just wanted to take a second and say thank you. I read every word in your profile and I think its great that you took the time to put something together like that. Hopefully i can learn something from it. :)"
"Well I see everywhere I've went wrong. Thanks for the tips. I'm sure everything will come together now! Thanks a lot..."
"I find your profile very helpful and will be on it now and again for sure. You should definitely make a youtube account for this. You are more thorough then any other person/article I have read. I think you are great at analyzing and very detail oriented which is awesome."
"I just messaged a girl that was into movies so I gave her a website of new trailers. Thank you so much! You're amazing!"
"Thank you soooo much! You rock."
"Your tips are awesome! Haha our match % is so low, I seriously can't even remember how I found you... but I appreciate you looking out for other okcupid users :) Just sayin', you rock."
"Hey....wow I have never seen a more detailed profile other then yours since I've been on this site...its really informative."
"Interesting profile. I agree with a lot of what you have to say."
"Thanks for all of the info... Ill work on myself a bit more"
"I have to say, reading your profile was like reading a book. It was definitely entertaining and I'd like to think i learned a thing or two."
"I just read your profile and i found it to very helpful thank you!"
"Hey you have a lot of advice to offer, I'm going to save your profile. It is nice to find some extra tips from something other than a chart. Thanks!"
"I just read your profile and I thought it was great!"
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